Really? Negativland!? Awesome!

As much as I prefer sarcasm over sincere fanboyism in this venue I can't help but be excited. The Knoxville Big Ears festival is coming, and while I couldn't personally care less about Phillip Glass, I am completely excited by Negativland!

If you've never heard (of) Negativland it is worth checking the albums Escape From Noise, Free, and Dispepsi to get a feel for their work. (OK, those are the only three albums of theirs that I've heard... I won't lie) I won't even bother at a half-witted, inept attempt to describe their music but other fans will appreciate the fact that Car Bomb and Timezones have gotten me through a good chunk of late night cynicism by driving me deeper into that particular funk.

To the uninitiated, their discography has a good selection of clips on their site. It should be known that they are some of the most outspoken activists for fair use (after fighting U2 and Pepsi-co for the right to sample from their works and use certain likenesses), and for that reason, they are freedom fighters and activists against censorship!

I suppose this gives me a great excuse to review the venerable Bijou Theatre and maybe even the Bistro at the Bijou!? I can't wait!

McScrooge's ... a Really? from the past

It's one thing to vanity-google yourself and another thing entirely to peruse BeerAdvocate, read a review of a beer store you haven't looked at in a long time and find yourself completely agreeing with a review only to realize that it's your review from 9-10-2007, right after you arrived in Knoxville. For authenticity's sake what follows is simply a copy-paste of that review because my tone in describing McScrooge's. Of course this means it is a bit out of context so you can read the original and other quotes for the feelings of others on this particular booze-ateria.

"I also found this place thanks to the guy behind the counter at "The Leaf and Ale."

Firstly, their wine selection is excellent (the second best we've found in/around Knoxville) and their spirits collection is good too (if either of these things matter to you)... now onto the beer.

Our first trip there was great... the selection is effectively the de-facto Knoxville selection with a few nice surprises. For me the best surprise was the quantity of Rodenbach Grand-Cru on the shelf. I bought them out. It was great. I don't recall anything about the service on our first trip.

The reason for my poor service and quality review was the second trip. My father was coming to town and was very excited about the possibility of Rodenbach. I was disappointed to find zero on the shelf. A friendly guy asked me if he could help. The conversation was as follows:

Me: Yeah, I was wondering if you had any Rodenbach in back since the shelf is empty.
Him: What? Is that wine?

Ed Note: Fine, you don't know your whole selection. I understand.

Me: No, it's a Belgian beer you had last time I was here.
Him: Oh yeah. The really bitter beer. I had it once and I thought it had gone bad. It is SO gross. Oh, but I guess you like it.

Then he disappeared into the back, and found none. I also purchased, as a poor replacement, a Brugse Straffe Hendrik, which was 99% flat. It may be that this is out of their control or it may be old stock, but it was no good.

They have a nice Creme de Cassis for Kir (if you're into that kind of thing) so I may stop in when I am out there and check their beer selection but I will never drive all the way out there just for their beer. If you live in that part of the city then it will provide you with all the standard Stone / DFH / Delierium / Chimay / etc which are standard for Knoxville."

I suppose it makes sense to provide some additional information over a year later. I don't go to McScrooge's, mostly because it is so far west and we have perfectly good stores (soon to be reviewed) much closer to home, all of which are making a great effort to stock quality beers of both the Belgian and American varieties. I'd be a liar if I didn't admin that my interaction with the sales guy has also colored my view a bit and makes me less inclined to return. That being said I do refer people who live out west to the little Irishman if they require some high-gravity beer or a decent wine selection.

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Cosmo's Café - so close but sometimes so far

Cosmo's Café is one half of what should be the perfect destination for foodies in Knoxville, sharing a space with Gourmet's Market.

It should be said, and early on in this mini-rant, that when the food at Cosmo's is good, it's very good. Breakfast covers the standard eggs, bacon, and potatoes range that you might expect but includes huevos rancheros (which I am biased against as a southwesterner), a fairly tasty breakfast burrito, and a very well laid-out omelette bar where your eggy concoction will be made before your eyes in real time. The coffee at Cosmo's is properly gourmet with two varieties of caffeinated and a decaf at all times.

Having been there on multiple occasions, early impressions were that this would be our de facto breakfast destination for a long time to come. During our first visits we were not exposed to "one Knoxville Standard Service" (which will be fully explained in its own rant later... all in good time, you'll get the idea soon enough) but rather the manager took personal interest in customers, the staff was fairly attentive and food was brought out quickly and warm. Prices were a tiny bit high but since that's the case everywhere in Knoxville we had no problem accepting it and enjoying well made food (and raving about it to others).

One friend in particular had custom omelettes several times in a row and they were all perfect. I had various breakfasts, almost always centered around my favorite part: potatoes, and the wife enjoyed her eggs and bacon tremendously.

Then, as is my particular gift to find, service started to slide radically. It started with "oh, we're out of potatoes." They had just opened. And potatoes are cheap and easy to keep warm and fairly moist and tasty even if it were later in the day. I don't get it. When I want (or need) potatoes that's a problem. Ironically, in this case it wasn't me ordering anything with the succulent flesh of potatoes, but the wife. Then food took forever to come out on multiple occasions. Sure, in one instance it was a time-change and half the staff didn't show up but... Actually, food not coming out became a serious problem. I'm pretty patient and unwilling to confront staff almost ever but I had to ask about my food multiple times. I was frustrated. Luckily, since coffee is self-serve, and was readily available I was never driven to caffeine-withdrawal spurred rage. The pattern of course was clear, there was no one driving the kitchen. No expediter, no manager keeping things going when it was desperately needed.

I would love for this to change because, as I said before, when the food is good, it's really good and I could use a stable, no-thinking breakfast locale when I just don't want to get going in the morning.

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Big Fatty's for breakfast...

Breakfast is the king of meals. Actually that should be stated as "any meal where bacon can be made a central ingredient is the king of meals" (especially according to my wife). On trying to do something exciting and new while my mother was in town, we opted away from Cosmo's Cafe, Pete's Coffee Shop, or Market Square Kitchen as we'd already visited them with her. Previously in line at Cosmo's someone behind us, who was unwilling to wait 3 minutes to order a meal, suggested to their rather large pre-Church breakfast group they go to Big Fatty's. Then Metro Pulse reviewed them very positively in one issue and they earned a runner's up in the Best of Knoxville reviews so... it sounds great!

The dining room is friendly and has some fantastic art lining the walls. The stray foosball table and cubby holes on one wall are a bit out of place but somehow right at home at the same time. We were greeted politely and seated ourselves as expected. So far, so good.

When our server first came to the table she deposited a small pile of strawberry muffins covered in a sticky, sugary, and delicious sauce of some sort and said someone else would be along to take our drink orders. When that someone else arrived and took my coffee order, along with my mother's, life was going swimmingly...until a show stopper: my wife ordered tea. "Oh, we don't have any." he responded. Really? No tea? Really? Not even Lipton's or some other generic tea that comes in a basket and is never looked at? Nothing. Full stop. You want something warm to drink because it's November, grey, and depressing out? Drink coffee. My wife ordered water. Strike 1.

The menu sounded appetizing, if not surprisingly expensive for what was advertised, consisting of standard breakfast foods including eggs, bacon, hash browns, pancakes, grits, and biscuits. What else do you need or want? Well, they also included Lox and cream cheese, a delicacy I let myself have at most once a year lest I eat it daily and gain 30lbs immediately. Mom and Wife opted for the "Little Fatty" with bacon, eggs, "hash browns", pancakes, and a biscuit. Ok, it's not little and sounds pretty yummy. I wanted Lox. "Ooohh... we don't have that. I should have told you," responded our server. Now, ok, it's not the end of the world but nothing else on the menu was calling to me after getting my heart set on salmon, capers, red onion, and a well toasted bagel bound together by pure fat. Not only that, none of the ingredients are terribly perishable. The only problem might be the bagels but how hard is it to arrange for delivery? And there's a high-end grocery store half a mile down the road. Strike 2. Ok, fine, I also ordered the "little fatty" because it was easy (yeah, an exciting lot my table was, right?)

The food arrived promptly and warm so no real complaints there but... the hashbrowns were not. They were in fact home fries, which I happen to love (here's the widely known secret: I love potatoes more than any other food on the planet), but were not as advertised. The biscuit was fine but not exceptional, the pancakes were likely from a mix, the bacon was a little dry, and the eggs were just fine. Now, nothing on the plate was bad per se, just not exceptional. I suppose the cost could be attributed to the number of ingredients on the plate, but not their quality. I was disappointed. Strike 3. Damn.

Just to add insult to injury, one of my servers, while refilling my coffee grabbed the mug by the rim instead of the handle. Don't touch where I'm going to put my mouth, that's not cool. Blech! Strike 4?

I love breakfast and I hate disappointing meals. I have gone through tons of restaurants that start great and I eat there almost exclusively for months straight as quality goes down, and then I always end up moving on. At least in this case I'm not overly attached.

I understand that dinner is a different story entirely, and I am open to that possibility, but I will go cautiously into that meal and try not to get my heart set on any NYC delicacies then.

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